For those of you who didn’t know (although I don’t really think that’s possible), the fourth season of “The Game” premiered last night. Initially, I wasn’t at all interested in watching the premiere, but because all of young Black America took over Twitter to discuss the show, I decided that maybe, just maybe, I should check it out.

And so, I did.

Now, after much reflecting, I’d like to share with you 25 of my thoughts about last night’s season premiere. If you didn’t watch the show, there’s really no reason for you to continue reading this post, as you’ll be completely left in the dark. If you did watch, however, read on…

  1. The new catchphrase for every black female under the age of 60 now is going to be: “Game on, b*tches.”
  2. Even if you’re an NFL star, having 2,000+ shoes and 58 watches is too much. I don’t care what your salary is. C’mon Malik!
  3. Meagan Good… well, she’s still got it. Even if she is on her way to getting it in with every guy on the show.
  4. Why was Melanie changing Derwin Jr.’s diaper? If Derwin just got a Nike endorsement, can’t he afford a butler or a maid to do that? C’mon Derwin!
  5. Either Chris Webber just likes to hustle extra hard, or he’s broke. He’s all over my TV: on TNT’s “Inside the NBA,” NBA TV, and now “The Game.” I just hope he doesn’t turn into Gary Coleman (R.I.P. little man!) and start advertising for cash advance places.
  6. Don’t be surprised when VH1 buys out the rights to “Ex-Ballers’ Wives.”
  7. Rick Fox > Terence J
  8. Speaking of Terence J, y’all remember that commercial for “The Heart Specialist”? Now, just for the record, I wouldn’t even bootleg that from The Pirate Bay. But did that old lady really call Terence J a “baby Trey Songz”? Then she had the nerve to ask, “If you invented sex, what was I doing in the back of Jackie Wilson’s tour bus in ’68?” Lady, we don’t wanna know what you were doing! You should’ve been getting a makeover and drinking Slim-Fast… but I digress.
  9. Tasha Mack goes hard in the paint. Was she really smoking a Black on Rodeo?
  10. At the Cluck Truck, Tee Tee (my favorite character) made the following statement: “Black people! Chicken is not your God-given right! Back up and act like white people at this truck!” Truly, words to live by.
  11. “The Game” premiered on October 1, 2006. Today, 1,564 days later, I just have one question: WHY does Malik still have that widow’s peak?!
  12. ***SPOILER ALERT*** Leaving the Cluck Truck, Malik said, “How can I get caught when the rules don’t apply to me?” That right there tells me he’s going down this season.
  13. I don’t care what anybody says; we’re still in a recession. And it’s apparent that BET’s operating on a very low budget. And no, it wasn’t the 57,236 commercials that tipped me off; it was those weak sets they put up! It was bad enough that the walls in Derwin’s house were made of styrofoam (remember the punch after he found out about Derwin Jr.?), but then Meagan Good broke the bathroom sink at the club just by sitting on it?? C’mon BET!
  14. In 2009, the U.S. divorce rate was in decline. After last night’s episode, though, America’s going to see a reverse in that trend. Why? “Divorce: The gift that keeps on giving!” Thanks, Kelly. You just gave terrible advice to a whole new generation of women and female children.
  15. Speaking of female children, what happened with Brittany (Jason and Kelly’s daughter)?? Did she take Miracle-Gro while “The Game” was on hiatus? This is almost as crazy as when Nicky grew up from a baby to a preschooler in between seasons 4 and 5 of “Fresh Prince.”
  16. When looking at Derwin Jr.’s hair, Derwin told him that it was okay because, “we got Indian in our family!” Derwin, 99.3% of black people have “Indian in their family.” C’mon Derwin!
  17. Why did Conan buy so many ad spots? Do black people really bang with Conan like that?
  18. I feel like 95% of the people watching last night had no idea about the Madden Curse before that episode.
  19. Were people really convinced that the kid wasn’t Derwin’s? First rule of television: You can’t start a new season by ending the drama! C’mon TV audience!
  20. Tasha Mack, I don’t care what you say. You’re not an ’80s baby.
  21. On that note, she said something that every man should always remember: “Old jokes on a woman ain’t funny. Ain’t never been funny, ain’t never gonna be funny.” Wise words.
  22. Peaches was a huge upgrade from Kelly. +10 points for Jason.
  23. People might want to get on Rick Ross for listening to his own music in his own crib, but who wouldn’t? Especially a track like “Maybach Music” that, just like Tasha Mack, goes hard in the paint. BAWSE
  24. Malik took Tee Tee’s girl Allison? #coldworld. His reason for taking her: (to Tee Tee) “I told you to take me home, didn’t I?” #evencolderworld.
  25. To quote my girl @missmeilia: “melanie, you are so dumb. you are really dumb. *antoine dodson voice*” Even in her stupidity, though, Melanie looked too sexy in that white wifebeater at the very end. See, ladies, it’s like the homie Drake once said: “Sweatpants, hair tied, chillin’ with no make-up on… that’s when you’re the prettiest, I hope that you don’t take it wrong.”

And that’s it. Those are my 25 thoughts. Comments are most welcome.